What shows up for us and how we show up for it shapes us.

A week before my son was due to be born I sat in the waiting room at the hospital preparing to meet with my midwife.


There were two other women in there,

one notably younger, nervous as she was pregnant, and her friend who was trying to calm her.


The friend had kind eyes, and noticeable signs of an engrained relationship with substance abuse.


‘Are you here to give birth today?’ She asked in a friendly tone.


‘Not today but hopefully soon’ I replied rubbing my belly as my son stretched inside my womb.


‘Is it your first?’ She asked

‘Yes’

‘It’s her first too,’ she said motioning to her friend, ‘coming today, she’ll be right. It’s my 6th, the others were all taken by DOCS though, and I’ve still got 6 weeks to go.’ She said, without any distinct emotional weight that I could detect.

‘Not long to go then,’ I smiled.


I couldn’t have guessed she was pregnant.

I felt into how grateful I was to be healthy, to have this healthy baby in my belly.


The encounter came to mind last night when I was musing over a conversation I had with a friend earlier in the day about fertility, having children, and the challenges so many of us come up against.


Sometimes the experience can be so painful that we internalise it, make it about who we are, about our deservingness or lack there of.

A fast way to turn pain into suffering, that we’ve all done at times.


No one has or does not have children because they deserve it.


I didn’t deserve to have my son any more or less than I deserved to experience my pregnancy losses.


That kind, very addicted woman, didn’t keep bringing children into the world because she deserved to.


Life is not a test, it isn’t fair or just.


It’s just life.


It’s not always clear why the things that show up in our lives do, but what shows up and how we show up for it shapes us.


The part where our power lies is in the stories we build around our experiences.


Whether we create meaning, or add to our suffering.


Whether we learn and grow through our experiences or keep repeating the cycles until we can.


Look at your life right now, are there things going on that you are internalising?


Are you empowering or disempowering yourself with the meaning you are making?